What could I say about Return of the Living Dead? It's possibly the
greatest movie ever made. It's really hard to tell whether it's better than Night of the Living Dead
or Dawn of the Dead because all movies offer so many different things. I just wish
that the Return of the Living Dead trilogy was better.
What really makes the movie are the characters. They're all basically stereotypes, but they're
just so cool. First, there's Tarman, my idol. Then there's Burt Wilson, the owner of the Uneeda
Medical Center ("You need it...We got it") and the meanest bastard alive. His two cronies, Freddy and Frank, are really
constipated. They let out the 2-4-5 trioxin out into the graveyard. Ernie's the embalmer over at the
mortuary, and the punks (Sorry, I have to rip off The Daily Show) are the Burger King Kids Club of Zombie
Movies. They're Suicide, the creepy guy, Trash, the naked slut, Tina, the innocent girl, Casey, the b-otch, Chuck, the
dork, Scuz, the punk, and finally Spider, the bizarro Rick James look-alike. Oooohhh baby! That's it Trash! Throw it
baby!
What separates Return of the Living Dead from the rest of the bunch are the zombies.
These are my favorate zombies. They can't be killed at all. They have to be burned, or melted, or
something like that. They eat brains! Woo-Hoo! Plus, they're really smart, too. This makes them all the
more dangerous. Enough ranting! Watch this movie...again! And again! And again! And again! And again! And again!
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Tarman's Rating:
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