Beyond the Living Dead

Don't even bother with this movie.

Garden of the Dead

I really got suckered into buying this one. I was at I-Con, this big collector's convention and I saw this horror movie table. What really caught my eye was Dr. Butcher, MD but after that was Garden of the Dead. I had 20 bucks left, the price of either Garden of the Dead, a Shaft shirt, or a Dead-Alive shirt. The guy at the table was like "Yeah man! This is a cult classic. It's great!" He had me sold. That son of a bitch! Anyway, Garden of the Dead's another winner. In this prison/formaldehyde warehouse (???), the convicts start sniffing the formaldehyde to get high. For some reason or another, it turns them into to zombies who crave formaldeyde and human flesh! Actually, they just strangle people, the poor man's way for a zombie to kill someone. These are some of the most athletic zombies I have ever seen. They're swinging their pick axes and having a real good time doing it. This movie does have some good points. Most importantly, it's less than an hour long. The music is really cool, and leaves you with some memorable quotes like "I'll strangle you with my hands!" I guess Garden of the Dead's not all that horrible, but it's not worth 20 bucks you bastards!

Night of the Creeps

Ack! What a mess. I used to love this movie when I was a kid. Now, I believe otherwise. Some aliens dump this jar of leeches that turn people into zombies onto the earth. It infects one person, they infect another, all the usual stuff. The leeches make a nest inside of a dead person's brain and transfer from body to body through the mouth. This movie actually has a cool gimmick but the execution is lacking. Though not a snoozer, it's still bad. For shame!

Night of the Zombies

Night of the Zombies is actually pretty good. It's a typical Italian zombie movie, which takes place in the jungle, just like every other Italian zombie movie. I don't get it! An accident in a jungle labratory lets loose the Death-1 toxin into the air, which brings the dead back to life. It slowly spreads from the third world nations of Africa into Europe. A military team is sent to the lab to find the root of the problem. What they find are a bunch of naked natives, which leads to the mandatory breast shots, a reporter and her husband who looks like Yani and throws up Thousand Island dressing, and a bunch of zombies with black faces and upper respiratory probelms. The zombies are pretty creepy at times, and there is a good level of gore, especially at the end when everyone dies. It's quite enjoyable, indeed.

Plague of the Zombies

Good God. Plague of the Zombies was yet another waste. I wouldn't say waste because all zombie movies are a valuable experience, but I would say that it sucks Dirk Diggler's dong. I could only stand fifteen minutes of it. My brain couldn't even handle fast forward watching. Some rich Englishman and his group of gay fox hunters kidnap people and take their blood to bring back the dead or something. I dunno. Go away!

Redneck Zombies

This movie has some kind of mind-altering effect. When I watched it alone, I actually enjoyed it. But upon further viewing at the shady Maynard's house, I realized my folly. Redneck Zombies is a weird mutant form of Return of the Living Dead II and Lynard Skynard. Some soldier drops a drum full of zombie stuff on Farmer Cletus' land and a couple of hicks turn it into radioactive moonshine. They sell this moonshine to other hicks, and they become zombies. Some chick is almost raped by a fat zombie, a couple of people get strangled, and that's about it. Overall, a big thumbs down. Yet another winner by Troma. Sorry Troma guys, I appreciate what you're doing, but I have my values.

Revenge of the Dead

I think Revenge of the Dead is Italian. I'm not sure. Whatever it is, it sucks. I don't even remember what happens. All I remember is some out-of-her-head mama falling on the floor. Don't ask me why that's all I remember. Anyway, Boooooooooo!!!

Revenge of the Living Dead

Oh man, where do I start with this crapula. It started out so cool with this animated zombie head, but then it all went down hill from there. The same exact four measures of some piano song was played literally for the whole movie. By the end (yes, I made it to the end) it really got under your skin. I think this movie's actors were the worst cast, bunch of scrubs I have ever seen, and that's not a good thing. Even the sexy ladies were sweaty and chunky. It had it's points though, like most bad zombie flicks. There was this incredibly fake looking shot to the arm (yes, of course, when a zombie comes after me, I go for the arm!) with a pitchfork that gave me a chuckle. Most of the film involved a couple of guys getting it on with their morbidly obese foxy ladies.

The Dead Pit

This must be the cursed zombie movie review page. With the exception of a few, all of the movies suck, and it's making me look like a mean bastard! The Dead Pit keeps the tradition of the curse going. The best thing about it is that if you press the cover , a zombie's eyes blink and make this creepy noise. A mad scientist is using mental patients for an experiment involving the ressurection of the dead, and a poor, mental patient girl stumbles into it. All that really happened was that the girl got chained to a wall and had her clothes sprayed off by a hose. At first glance, that may not seem that bad, but it leaves you asking...why?

Toxic Zombies

Toxic Zombies is like Scooby-Doo and Night of the Living Dead rolled into one. Normally, this combination would produce a masterpiece. Unfortunatley, it produced far from that. When the whole gang was on their marijuana farm, an experimental weed killer was dusted over the farm and them, turning them into a nasty bunch of strangling zombies. "They thought they were just killing weeds. Instead, they grew a whole new kind of crop!" Yeah...I guess so.

Zombie 4: A Virgin Among the Living Dead

This could definately be the worst zombie movie ever. I'm still not quite sure if their were even zombies in it. It seemed like it was edited for UPN channel nine, too. There were about six seperate scenes where it seemed like these two lesbians were going to get it on, and then they switched to another scene. It also starred Howard Vernon, the guy you call up when you want to make a bad zombie movie. He also starred in Zombie Lake, another great one. Here goes the plot...some girl has a nightmare; some "zombies" come out of the leaves; they show some lesbians; the girl wakes up. They play the same seven scenes over and over and over again for about an hour and a half. Sounds like fun, eh?

Zombie 6: Monster Hunter

This isn't really a zombie movie. It's more like a 70's slasher movie. It's not all that terrible though. This guy, who I guess is a zombie, goes around and puts a ladies head in the oven and cuts some guy up with a table saw. My God, is this movie good? I don't know. I'm gonna have to watch it again. It sounds like it should be, but when it all goes into action there's just something lacking. The special effects are decent, though. I just can't put my finger on where it went wrong. Ahhh...now I know. It shouldn't have been part of the zombi series. It should have been an independent slasher.

Zombie Lake

Zombie Lake is the champion of movies with pointless nudity. For some reason an all-girl volleyball team goes down to a lake and goes for a nudy dip. Then another girl goes skinny dipping, too. Then some more people get naked. Then there are some underwear scenes. Oh yeah, for some reason Nazi zombies live at the bottom of a lake. These are the fakest zombies I've ever seen. Their make-up comes off in the lake, and it's just green face paint. Some lady gets gummed to death by a zombie. You can see the blood coming from the zombies mouth, and there's no wound on the neck at all. Then there's a zombie knife fight. This movie's a laugher. I'd give it five tarheads if it wasn't so freakin' boring. While being one of the worst ever, it has it's entertainment value. It still sucks!