Why I Hate Summer

[Lady Macbeth]

**A short essay I'm going to send to a small-press cat magazine. What do you all think?**



Why I Hate Summer

Early morning in June, around 5 a.m.  The sun fights its way through the blinds. Outside the bedroom door, a tentative scratching. “Meow?â€�

It’s inquisitive, almost meek. I bury my head in the pillow and ignore it.

“Meow?� Scratch, scratch.

“Meow?� Scratch.

“Meow.� Scratch, scratch.

“Meow!� Thunk. She’s throwing herself against the door, the genius.

Meeeeooooow!� THUNK.

Holy cow, this cat can hold a note like an opera singer, and she has an incredibly high pain threshold. My husband is stubbornly pretending to still be asleep, even though no living creature could sleep through this racket. I crawl out of bed and stagger to the door. The Beast – also known as Mei Mei, a Mandarin slang term for ‘little sister’- sits on the floor, blinking at me with narrowed green eyes. About time, worthless human.
She saunters past me and heaves her overweight calico behind onto the dresser, conveniently located right under the window. She jams her head between two of the blind slats until I, afraid for the safety deposit of our apartment, open them for her. I finally return to bed, to try and sleep despite the sun and bloodthirsty cat-chattering.

It’s summer, and CaTV is on the air.

There are three channels of CaTV: the window over my writing desk, the balcony door, and the window in the bedroom. They all show the same thing, the Food Network. The door and the desk window are perfectly accessible at all times of day or night. But it is the bedroom window that The Beast finds most desirable, probably because it looks directly into the branches of a large, leafy tree.

CaTV has only three programs, but they run most of the day.

Schedule:

5:00 a.m. – noon: The Birds!

Noon – 7:00 p.m.: The World of Small Arboreal Mammals

7:00 p.m. – 10:00 p.m.: Insects ‘r’ Us

We rarely see Mei Mei in the summer, unless we’re hanging out in the bedroom, and even then we really only catch sight of the back of her head and her ample behind, complete with furiously lashing tail (which sweeps chapstick, water glasses, wedding rings and –to my surprise- rather heavy framed photos to the carpet). Her usual chatty nature takes a break; we only hear her demands for entry at ungodly hours, and a constant, staccato venting of frustrated bloodlust.

As annoying as she can be at 5 a.m. for three months of the year, I kind of miss The Beast during the summer. No more lap snuggles, no interest in playing (not that she ever had much; Mei Mei’s idea of play is to lie on the floor and wait for her useless humans to throw twist ties at her so she can bat at them without getting up). Leg-rubbing time is severely cut down. She’s a hopeless CaTV addict.

Is there a twelve-step program for this problem? Birdholics Anonymous? The only problem with such a program is her vehement hatred of other cats. Any meetings of BA would end up with her turning the gathering into Fight Club.

I suppose there’s nothing we can do until fall wraps its chilly arms around the world. CaTV will fade into pale reruns: a left-behind starling here, an adventurous squirrel there. And Mei Mei will have to turn back to her worthless humans for entertainment. I can’t wait.

We’re definitely never getting cable.

[Amethyst]

laugh... that was soooo kawaii!!  I loved it, although they really should just leave the door open... solve that problem totally... or if they can't stand to have the door open for whatever reason, then a nice large pet door works wonders... you can ask my daughter... she has one to her room so she can shut the door when I'm in the living room listening to the TV!   

[Lady Macbeth]

We can't leave the door open, as she'd want to sleep with us. By 'sleep' I mean lying on the bed and getting up every 20 minutes to investigate something. Besides, there's no room in the bed for anyone else, not even a fur person.

[Amethyst]

laugh.. in my experience if they want to sleep with you, they will find a way... even if you have to move!!

I have one cat that will squeeze between my face on my pillow and the other two cats laying right beside the pillow!!  Course she also has to turn her butt to me.. still haven't figured out the reason for that!!  Maybe cause it smells better than her ear?  laugh.. I seriously wish that would clear up... I've done antibiotics, ear drops, and ear wash / powder forever... guess it will eventually get better...

[matthew]

:kittii
Yeah.

Maybe
 “Meow!” Thunk.
 She’s throwing herself against the door, the genius. OR She’s throwing herself against the door. Genius.
Which might separate it out and might or might not help with rhythm for humour, tho one immediately can think of a reading of it on one line that is good for humor so, uh, yeah, just another obvious option.

Maybe
 It’s summer, and CaTV is in the air.
Possibly some might get, maybe not lost, but a slight dip in following at pace the said, and this might or might not help that. And anyway has its own thing apart from use in that.

>>rather heavy framed photos
Brings one into the scene a bit more, was what I thought when I read it.
Perhaps, or not, because some experiences we pay more attention to or are more of an experience event, like laying on the carpet with the floor at eye level on a summer day or the sound of things when we're not quite woken, it brings itself into your attention, and thus perhaps brings a person more into a scene. Uh, but whatever. ¬_¬ And details can bring us more into a thing.

>>little sister
This mention was a good one. I like the relationship explanation thing.

>>reen eyes. About time, worthless human.
That last bit, keeping it on the same line is good.

>>til I, afraid for the safety deposit of our apartment, op
An, ah yes that's why, thing.

[marka]

Nice. Conveys Mei Mei's personality and has a neat structure. Hope you get it accepted ... Actually, I can't see why you wouldn't, because it's an enjoyable read and written well.